I had a job interview a couple of months back. I didn’t get it.

I don’t write this for sympathy, or compliments, or even shared stories of times you’ve missed out on jobs because of X, Y and Z (though I am of course empathetic of those times!); I’m actually writing this post because I realised something surprising afterwards: I have a 50% success rate of getting a job.

‘Where has this statistic come from?’, you may wonder. Well, as I was reflecting after “the call”, I was thinking about the jobs I have applied and interviewed for in my life, versus the jobs I have actually been offered, and the ratio stands at a rather precarious 50/50. I have, admittedly, worked on smaller projects and in other roles in my freelance capacity, but let’s be honest; I feel more than a little obligated to hire myself when the work is self-employed! On a side note for anyone interested, I appreciate there is a certain advantage for churches and organisations in bringing in a freelance youth worker rather than a fixed-term employee for certain projects or events and so I often don’t interview for these roles in the same, formal way and so for that reason I haven’t included them in the stats.

But let’s return to that perturbing 50%. I was deflated when I had that revelation – and yes, there were tears - especially when I considered that the stats specifically interviewing as a youth worker became an even more shaky 40%. It might sound dramatic (who, me?!) but I briefly began to question what that actually meant for me and my calling, especially when if I am really honest – those jobs I did get…there were no other applicants and so I began to consider simply adding “better than nothing” to my CV! I started to ask questions of myself. What if I’m not really as good as people had said? What if I’m not as capable of engaging with young people as I had thought? What if I’d got it wrong and this isn’t what God wanted me to be doing anymore…?

I went into this latest interview fervently saying that I trusted God and His plans and so whatever the outcome of the interview, I’d be happy - and I truly thought I believed that…until the tears came. I was knocked for six by the gut-punch of inadequacy and heartbroken by the worldly blow of feeling I’d been told I wasn’t good enough for a ministry I’m already in - but the reality is that isn’t how it was or is. Hindsight is a glorious thing.

It isn’t all doom and gloom, though. After my tears and tantrums, I realised something simple and quite frankly, beautiful: it is God who called me into youth work and He who will call me out of it; and so my final thought on this is from the book of Proverbs. I may make my plans, but it is God who I trust to shape them to His work and glory. If you find yourself in a similarly disheartened situation, or feel like you’re wandering aimlessly through life; please hear these words of truth – because they’re for you, too.

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

Proverbs 16:9